"I am a love without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself"
- Warsan Shire

self improvement.

i thought my love for you
would somehow make you better

but it's only made me worse

fool me once, shame on you.
fool me for five years, ...

fuck. who's the bigger asshole, me or you?

the headlights behind me on the highway at night
aren't lights at all
but eyes
of formless, faceless demons
chasing me
racing
trying to capture me in their unbreakable grasp

it is all that I can do to stay out of their reach

belittle me.

make me feel small in all the best ways.

faites attention

I need to restrain myself a bit more. I am so comfortable around you. Too comfortable. You ask me a question that should have a simple response, but once I start, I can't stop. It's not word vomit, because even then you eventually wretch, and then there's nothing left to come up. It's like my words are a waterfall, or an avalanche, and I'm afraid of smothering you with them, to the point where you avoid my mouth, in fear that it will bring on another suffocation onslaught.

And then you're not comfortable anymore.


"My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out cannot care that they are naked."
- Andrea Gibson

I imagine that this is what it would be like to try to restrain a struggling porcupine with bare hands. The harder I try to hold on, the more you struggle, and the more I'm hurt. It's best to just let go and move on, for both of our sakes. You clearly don't care enough to want to stay around, and frankly, I'm tired of fighting to keep you around. No sense keeping you if you don't want to be kept.